Smartphones, Snapchat, and Shame

All day long I feel humiliated and am overwhelmed by shame.

Psalm 44:15

Like a flood that creeps in overnight, flowing under doors and rising over baseboards, shame has come into our hearts and homes, invading the privacy of our most personal dwelling places.

The introduction of smartphones and social media has brought convenience and benefit to our lives. We can now take passport photos on our phones and get them the same day at the local print shop. We can pass ‘n play Scrabble with our kids while we wait in line at restaurants and track our Fantasy Football team minute by minute.

But smartphones and social media have also made us extremely vulnerable. All this social networking and information at our fingertips has allowed shame to enter our lives in epic proportions. The waters are rising and we are fighting to keep from drowning.

Smartphones and social media have invited shame into our lives in epic proportions. #shaming #parentingteens #socialmedia #smartphones Click To Tweet

A young mom, at home with a newborn and an active two-year-old, scrolls through Instagram looking for relief from the exhaustion and daily redundancy of nursing, wiping noses, and picking up legos.

Instead of comfort, she is infused with condemnation as she pores over pictures of other moms who already have their pre-baby body back and pose for mirror selfies wearing the latest fall fashions.

How do they do it? I am not enough. She thinks to herself.

Slowly, the shameful thought becomes a belief.

An adolescent boy, longing for friends, hides in his room, glued to Snapchat. The crowd he longs to be part of parades their latest adventures in a streak of laughing faces, arms draped around each other, the best of friends having fun.

At school, they invite him to join them, then cancel plans, then go anyway without him and post it all while he watches. Behind his back, they laugh at the awkward boy who is not cool enough to hang out with their crowd.

Heart seared by rejection, he thinks to himself, I shouldn’t even be alive.

Slowly, the shameful thought becomes a belief, and in the most tragic cases, an action that ends life.

A busy husband and father sits in traffic, mindlessly scanning his phone on his long commute home from work. The pop-up that lights his screen is too enticing for an exhausted man to resist.

With one touch a porn site opens, filling his mind with images he can’t unsee. Later that evening, he fights to push the images away as he looks into the face of his wife.

She doesn’t measure up, shame whispers.

Slowly, the shameful thought becomes a belief, and in many instances, an action that destroys a family.

Mothers who are doing worthy work, faithful work, work that deserves honor, not shame, are becoming distracted and depressed.

As shame whispers its lies, they stop believing what is true about them: Their work matters. Their sacrifice makes a difference. They are beautiful and honorable.

Children who were created with purpose and value, beautiful young people who are creative, smart, and innovative, are becoming withdrawn, depressed and suicidal.

As shame casts its shadow over their lives, the truth about them is obscured: They were created on purpose, with a purpose. They matter. They are loved and accepted by the One who made them.

Fathers gifted to lead families and children with wisdom and strength are becoming desperate to escape in the arms of false images that cannot satisfy.

As shame sneaks in, marriages are destroyed, children are wounded, and the grinding machine of despair grows louder. Fathers lose sight of what is true about them and their wives: The promise we made on our wedding day matters. You come before me. With God’s help, we can face anything.

Shame is a liar. When we exchange truth for shame’s lies, things break down. #depression #suicide #anxiety Click To Tweet

Identity becomes confused. Children take their own lives. Teenage boys consumed with shame open fire in their high schools. Families fracture. Society breaks down.

But thanks be to God, there is hope.

Instead of your shame you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in your inheritance. And so you will inherit a double portion in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours.

Isaiah 61:7

Shame and humiliation were never meant to be our portion. We were created with value and purpose. We were called good from the beginning (Genesis 1:31). God was pleased with us from the start. When sin and shame marred your inheritance and mine, the Creator began His great pursuit of us to restore our honor once again, to give us a double portion of everlasting joy and stability. 

The truest things about us are what God says about us, not what social media says about us. Not what our likes or retweets say about us. Not what the number of friends or follows says about us.

And He says we are loved, treasured, and worth the greatest sacrifice ever made.

There is a Rescuer who has abolished shame for every person, no matter how shrouded in darkness she has become and no matter how she got there. His name is Jesus, who goes into the tombs of our lives and breaks our chains (Mark 5:1-20). He is the Messiah, who for the joy set before Him (you and me! we were the joy he set His focus on!) endured the shame and ridicule of a public, naked death on a criminal’s cross just to set us free from its power (Hebrews 12:2). And that’s exactly what He did when on the third day He rose scarred and alive, walking in the light of day, no shadow of shame anywhere to be found.

Lord, show me where shame is stealing my peace and identity. Help me replace lies with truth. Give me discernment to use technology in a way that speaks honor and value into the lives of others and myself. Amen.

Resources:

Subscribe to my weekly devotionals by clicking here and receive Ten Lies Shame Tells and the Truth to Replace Them. 

Websites:

axis.org Culture, conversation and connection with teens.

techsavvyparenting.com Help for parenting in the digital world.

www.covenanteyes.com Screen monitoring and accountability.

https://twloha.com To Write Love on Her Arms: dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury, and suicide.

Articles:

Responding to Your Husband’s Secret: Porn, by Erin Smalley

Children’s Exposure to Porn

Smartphones and Depression in Teens

Books:

Smartphone Sanity: A proven plan to protect your kids, bring trust, and bring smartphone balance to your home, by David Eaton and Jeremiah Callihan

The Awfulizer: Learning to Overcome the Shame Game: A children’s book by Kristen Maher, wife of singer/songwriter Matt Maher 

Shame Interrupted: How God Lifts the Pain of Worthlessness and Rejection by Edward T. Welch

Other Media:

The Culture Translator: free weekly email offering insight into teen culture

A Parent’s Guide to Snapchat 

The Price of Shame: Ted Talk by Monica Lewinsky