When I Can’t Feel My Feelings

Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I say, rejoice! 

Philippians 4:4

When I can’t feel my feelings, even in times that should evoke joy, it might be a sign of something deeper going on. Paul can repeat his command two or twenty times, and it won’t get through to a brain that has been anesthetized by pain and sorrow.

In long seasons of endurance and suffering, we shut down our emotions to survive. The amygdala, that tiny yet mighty bundle of nuclei deep in the brain, is no favoritist. In times of trauma, all feelings power down—not just the difficult ones, but the happy ones too. A physiological mercy, this enables us to press on through crushing circumstances.

But once better days come, when danger is behind us and joy is before us, we may find not only our painful feelings suppressed, but our joyful ones as well. How do we restart our feelings when we want them again?

Numb emotions when life calls for hope and celebration might be a silent caution light on the dashboard of our lives, telling us something is amiss. #mentalhealth Click To Tweet

In severe cases of trauma, to keep harmful memories under control, the brain may respond by dissociating, a condition called dissociative disorder. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, “dissociative disorders are characterized by an involuntary escape from reality, characterized by a disconnection between thoughts, identity, consciousness, and memory. People from all age groups and racial, ethnic, and socioeconomic backgrounds can experience a dissociative disorder.”

One pronounced symptom of dissociative disorder is emotional numbness.

Those with dissociative disorders often need psychotherapy and medication. But long after treatment, many who are able to live generally healthy lives still find it hard to “feel their feelings” on happy occasions that call for celebration. 

Can help be found in Scripture for the believer who wants to feel her joyful feelings again after trauma? Can the living Word of God renew our minds and kick start joy again? I believe it can, and Paul’s eye-roll-inducing words in Philippians 4:4 carry the keys.

Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I say, rejoice!

The emotionally numb may find Paul’s exhortation both maddening and intriguing. But upon closer examination, his words are downright diagnostic.

The Greek word for rejoice is chairō. Packed in this tiny word is a lovely line of stepping stones leading back to joy. If you are a beloved one whose feelings seem to be under the influence of an epidural, this is for you.

Be Glad

One aspect of chairō is to be glad. Before you gag, bear with me.

A simple definition of joy is “to be glad to be with someone.” Think of someone you are glad to be with. All I have to do is think of my sister who loves me way more than I deserve, or my big man-sons who are both taller than me and doing their best to grow up, or my daughter who still asks for a bedtime tuck-in and goodnight kiss even though I embarrass her in public. I am glad to be with them, anytime, anyplace.

God is glad to be with you. One step toward feeling my feelings is to pause in His presence and let that fact soak in. He is glad to be with me. 

From the beginning, you and I were created to be with God, with nothing separating us. Sin ripped a distance between us that was never meant to be. But through Jesus, we can be in God’s presence again. And He is so glad to be with us, anytime, anyplace.

Practice: Take a moment to sit in silence in God’s presence, soaking in the truth that God is glad to be with you. If you can’t believe this or access your feelings about it, offer your unbelief to the Lord and ask Him to help you believe, to show you He is glad to be with you.

Delight

Psalm 18:19 reminds us He rescued us because He delighted in us.

Not only is our Creator glad to be with us, but He also delights in us. Like a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, as a mother sings over her newborn child, our God is overjoyed just because we are His.

Practice: Take a moment to sit in silence in God’s presence, soaking in the truth that God delights in you. If you can’t believe this or access your feelings about it, offer your unbelief to the Lord and ask Him to reveal His delight to you. Wait for Him.

Welcome

She came in quietly and my son showed her to the guest salon. I was busy in the kitchen and didn’t even know she had arrived until I heard him chattering away with her.

My friend had brought me a freshly baked loaf of bread. She came bearing a gift and waited patiently until I noticed her presence and welcomed her.

How often is Jesus like the quiet, patient guest bearing the Bread of Life, waiting until we notice His presence and welcome Him?

Feeling our feelings of joy involves welcoming Jesus into our daily spaces. Noticing Him in the quiet moments and the noisy ones. Pausing our busyness and welcoming Him, breathing deep the fragrance of the gift He brings. Sitting awhile, resting a minute from the work, and chatting as we take the nourishment He has prepared just for us.

Welcoming Jesus brings us closer to believing He is glad to be with us and He delights in us.

Welcoming Jesus brings a rushing force of joy that overwhelms numbness and lets us feel our feelings as we are meant to.

Practice: Set a gentle alarm throughout the day and pause a moment to notice Jesus. Welcome Him into your mental, emotional, and spiritual space. Notice what gift He offers in this place and time.

Some other words also spring out of rejoice, or chairō, adding even greater depth to our understanding of how to feel our feelings again.

Eucharisteō

Eucharisteō means to give thanks or render gratitude. When we intentionally pause to give thanks, our minds are not only spiritually and emotionally renewed, but also physically. Secular science has proven that gratitude can create new neuropathways in our brains, causing increased production of chemicals that we need for better sleep, less anxiety, and an improved sense of well-being! But we know that God’s truths precede scientific discovery. We were made to worship and give thanks to the One who is glad to be with us.

Practice: Try gratitude every day for a week. Your feelings will follow your brain’s lead and soon they will also be renewed.

I can hear the weariness in Paul’s voice as he pens his words from prison to the small Philippian body of believers. 

Rejoice in the Lord always. Again, I say, rejoice! 

Maybe he was writing to himself. They say that writers write themselves into their writing, and readers read themselves out of it.

I know I’m doing that right now.

Lord, let me feel my feelings. It’s time to rejoice, and I don’t want to miss one ounce of joy You intend for me. Amen.

@audreycfrank

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