Torn, but Healed

He has torn us, but He will heal us; He has wounded us, but He will bandage us. He will revive us… He will raise us up… That we may live before Him. So let us know, let us press on to know the Lord. His going forth is as certain as the dawn; and He will come to us like the rain, like the spring rain watering the earth (from Hosea 6:1-3).

When we finally were able to receive visitors, we tried to prepare them for the pain.

Are you sure you want to come? It will be hard.

A hospital intensive care burn unit is a terrifying place to spend days and nights. Pain is a constant, cruel, raging, loud companion. In the long parade of weeks we spent there by our son’s side, we quickly came to recognize the particularly horrifying sound of wound care.

Daily, the wound care team would do the careful and tedious work of removing bandages, cleaning wounds, medicating them, and re-bandaging. Each wound care session was like a re-wounding, removing the old to allow the new skin to heal. The pain had a purpose, but that did not make it much easier to endure.

My husband and I always participated, knowing that we were our son’s one constant. We knew the only three-inch area of his calf that was not burned, where we could hold his leg up without hurting him. We vigilantly watched the pallor of his skin and knew when his hemoglobin was dropping to dangerous levels. We knew the look in his eyes when he couldn’t bear it anymore. We knew which wounds were most sensitive, and we could see the changes, good and bad, day by day.

In the back of our minds, we also knew that the terrifying day would come when he would be sent home, and the wound care would be up to us alone.

One night, as my son’s screams grew louder, the world grew black and bile rose in my throat. Suddenly strong arms reached under my own and carried me to a nearby chair. 

Mama, you don’t have to do this today. Let me.

The gentle, giant nurse looked at me with compassion and placed a cool cloth on my head before rushing back to his excruciating task.

I watched him through my tears and wondered at the gentle strength emanating from this expert wound carer. If you passed him on the street, you’d never imagine he’d chosen the most tender of occupations. He could have been a linebacker, a wrestling champion. Yet here he was, towering over my boy and lifting him with the finesse of a figure skater as he murmured kindness and comfort.

I wondered in my slumped state if this young man was a picture I’d needed to see for a very long time. A picture of the God who tears and heals, who wounds and bandages. The gentle, powerful God who can call thunder from His throne yet lift the broken with a tenderness that heals.

God speaks to me through people, through pictures, through life. He spoke powerfully to me through the wounding of my son that night, the wounding that was necessary for his wholeness. Through the tenderness of a giant who had the strength to tear, yet chose to heal.

Andrew Brunson, a Christian pastor who was imprisoned for two years in Turkey, warns the church, “Do not let your heart be offended by the Lord.”

His words resonate in my broken places, ricocheting off the bomb-blasted walls of my wounded heart. Years of repeated trauma take a toll on a person.

When we are torn and wounded we are vulnerable to offense. Our hurting hearts can feel offended by the Lord. #suffering #endurance #trust Click To Tweet

We want the pain to stop. And God has the power to make it stop. Why doesn’t He?

Our son had to go through daily pain in order to heal. His strong and gentle caregivers knew this. So they did what was necessary for his healing.

Because of their courage and diligence, our son is walking today. He is able to wiggle his toes. He can sit, stand, jump, and skate. He is whole again. He is living life.

The scars he bears remind us of the wounding. But they are evidence of the healing.

Let us trust the One who tears but heals, who wounds but bandages.

He will revive us. He will raise us up and we will live before Him.

Lord, heal me, bandage me. Revive me, raise me up that I may live before You. Amen.

@audreycfrank