Gratitude for What I Have Entrusted to Him

…I suffer as I do. But I am not ashamed, for I know the one in whom I have put my trust, and I am sure that he is able to guard until that day what I have entrusted to him (2 Timothy 1:12, NRSV).

What if he doesn’t come back? 

I tried to swat the harassing thought away like a wasp, knowing it had the power to hurt me if I allowed it to alight.

Do you know where the passport file is?

Yes.

There are three currencies inside, and enough money for plane tickets if you need them. The contact list is there as well. Remember, just follow the plan and it will help you navigate whatever happens.

I boosted the baby higher on my hip and glanced up through the courtyard to the latticed windows of the boys’ bedroom. Their voices chatted away happily as they set up the toy train table, oblivious to the discussion between their father and me below. The conversation that could make all the difference in their futures.

We had prepared for this hazard, the possibility that something might happen to force me to flee with the children to a safe country. Our carefully laid contingency plans anticipated whatever might come as a result of following Christ in a country ruled by Islamic law.

Taking a deep breath and squaring my shoulders, I looked directly at my husband.

Okay. 

He put his strong arm around me, and as Baby Girl nestled in between us, we bowed our heads and talked to our Father. Laying out every fear, every possibility, we reminded ourselves of the words of 2 Timothy 1:12, I know the one in whom I have put my trust. He is able to guard until that day what I have entrusted to him.

We had made our decision long before this moment. We would follow Jesus, no matter the cost. He was worth it all. It had been said by some, “The safest place to be is in the center of God’s will.” We didn’t place much confidence in that misleading expression.

Rather, we agreed with Mr. Beaver in C.S. Lewis’s classic God-allegory The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. When asked by one of the children, “Is he—quite safe?” Mr. Beaver responded, “Who said anything about safe? ’Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.”

It was in His goodness we found comfort. This we knew to be a true, steadfast, and immovable fact. No matter what might be coming our way.

That morning we had received a message that a house church meeting nearby had been raided by police and its members taken to jail. The remaining believers had to make a decision. Would we hide alone in fear or run to Jesus together? The decision was made to gather, to pray, to seek God and read the Bible for strength and instruction. My husband would be the teacher this night.

Taking his Bible, his keys, and his ID, he walked out through our massive wooden door into the growing dimness of the dusky evening. From there he would make his way through the maze of cobbled streets to the home of a local believer. Others would be leaving their houses in the next hour to join him, each staggering his departure time and taking different routes to avoid notice by the ever-watchful secret police.

After closing and locking the door, I leaned against it and let the tears flow.

I have found that courage is a stormy emotion. As my heart plants itself firmly on faith, my body trembles and weeps. But then the power, the strength, the peace comes like a weighted blanket of God’s glory and comfort. As I pour out my fear, my desire to flee obedience, even my anger that I would be given a task that is uncomfortable, unpleasant, or risky, my God fills me with His Spirit and the power to persevere.

When I choose to trust God in the face of fear, He floods me with a kind of #gratitude that does not make sense. #Thanksgiving Click To Tweet

Gratitude for the privilege of observing church in its rawest form: humble people gathering in simple dwellings, with only their voices and one precious Bible, singing to the Messiah with as much power and beauty as a cathedral choir.

Gratitude that my children have seen salvation is expensive. It cost our Savior everything. This truth is more than a Bible story to us now.

Gratitude that I have discovered there is a certainty deep like bedrock beneath the daily-ness of living in the mundane: the absolute knowledge that our God is a Rock that cannot be shaken, and He will never abandon us, even in our most fearful moments and greatest risks.

Gratitude that in the darkness, there is treasure to be had. Riches stored in secret places of suffering and hard obedience. 

Gratitude that He can guard until that day what I have entrusted to Him. 

For my brothers and sisters who have paid a much greater cost than I, I am grateful for your example of obedience. You have taught me to forget me and run after Jesus with all I have.

Lord, give me the courage to press on from fear to the other side where gratitude waits for me. Amen.

@audreycfrank