Crushed

Awake, north wind, and come, south wind! Blow on my garden, that its fragrance may spread everywhere.

Song of Songs 4:16

 

But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere. For we are the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing, to one a fragrance from death to death, to the other a fragrance from life to life.

2 Corinthians 2:14-16

I stood looking out over the pitiful inlet, feeling deeply sorry for myself. My husband and small son were mercifully asleep, and it was the first quiet moment I’d had all day. The past twenty-four hours had been grueling as we bounced up and down long, twisting African roads, baby on my lap, intermittently crying and throwing up from motion sickness. By the time we found this little apartment on the coast, I had no clean clothing left for him or for me. And to make matters worse, no towels.

Trying not to cry, fighting my gag reflex, I’d stripped us both down and washed our clothes in the sink while my husband bathed the baby. Our laundry now hung like a homemade banner across the kitchen and husband and child lay stretched across the itchy wool blankets on the bed, arms flung out in deep exhausted nap-sleep.

I leaned over the terrace wall and took a deep breath, mindlessly grabbing at the weeds growing in the cracked cement planters along the edges. A sharp, beautiful fragrance suddenly filled the air, and I realized the weeds I was crushing in my anxiety were actually long-forgotten lavender, planted when the plans for this run-down place were dazzling and hopeful.

I opened my palms and looked at the broken bits. I’d done a job on these hardy stems. They were definitely crushed. And in the crushing, their fragrance jolted me out of my self-pity and made way for the voice of God.

My fragrance is released in the crushing, Beloved.

We were here in a new place, exploring new territory. A survey trip we called it. Surveying God’s will for us, measuring our future. So far I was having trouble surviving the barfy present, nevertheless dreaming about the future.

That was more than twenty years ago, and today I sit in a friend’s garden, surrounded by lavender once again. But this time it’s exquisite and beautiful, peaceful and lovely to my eyes. My heart, however, is crushed.

The words of the Lord that long ago day in Africa stand by me like wise counselors, friends, even.

When I was a young mother, I hoped to avoid the crushing. After all, Paul boasted that they were hard-pressed, but not crushed (see 2 Corinthians 4:7-12). We who work in the harvest field love to quote that to ourselves and others.

But crushing is part of the release. I tested it this morning. I deeply inhaled an unbroken stem of lavender. It was mildly lovely at best. As I reflected, the wind blew over thousands of stems in this marvelous lavender garden, so orderly and beautiful to my eyes. But the fragrance was merely delicate. Unremarkable. Almost unnoticeable unless I really paid attention.

Then I took a stem (yes, I did) with its lovely purple buds and I crushed it with a stone as I poured out my sorrows to the Lord. While the stem yet lay under the stone, before I even lifted the stone’s rough weight from the flower, the mighty fragrance of the bloom burst forth, arresting my senses with a pungency not possible in wholeness.

And that was merely one stem.

The thousands of stems surrounding the broken one nodded in the breeze, reverent. The crushed one had shared the secret they all carry, the inner beauty released only by crushing.

I am feeble and crushed; I groan because of the tumult of my heart. O Lord, all my longing is before you; my sighing is not hidden from you.

Psalm 38:8-9

 

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. 

Psalm 34:18

The Bible tells us that crushing is part of living. And the Lord draws near to the crushed and saves them. Isaiah described the coming Messiah as one who tenderly cares for the bruised (see Isaiah 42:2-4). Jesus Himself was bruised, crushed. For you and for me.

But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.

Isaiah 53:5

His fragrance now fills the world through our crushing, for He lives inside our hearts. #suffering Click To Tweet

Is your heart breaking today? If Jesus dwells in your heart, His fragrance will surely spread in the crushing. Even before the stone that crushes is removed.

Hold on, little stem. Your crushing is changing the atmosphere. 

Lord, release Your fragrance through my crushing. Amen.

 

If Jesus does not live in your heart, He can. Invite Him to be Your Lord today. He sees you. Your sighs are not hidden from Him. He promises to save you, crushed one. 

 

@audreycfrank

Photo by Ghenadie Cebanu on Unsplash