But if Not

For Pastor S, who showed me the Fourth Man’s scars.

…our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up. 

Daniel 3:17

 

Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will. 

Mark 14:36

I avoided the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego after the fire. I tried not to think about the skippy, trippy tune of an old praise song based on Isaiah 43:2 promising though we walk through fire we won’t be burned.

After eighteen months of putting my hands on my son’s wounds, daily unbinding them, cleaning them, medicating them, rebinding them, it was just too painful. My son was not delivered; he had been burned. 

So I let grace fill space and time, and waited for my soul to heal from the wounds of but if not.

This morning I sat at the ends of the earth, far from home in the shadow of three mountains, with a group of weary, brave Christian workers who temporarily left the front lines to gather and be filled again with timeless Truth. The pastor opened the book of Daniel 3, and my soul finally rose ready to listen deep. 

I greeted my scarred soul with much the same delightful welcome I once gave the wounds on my son’s feet when I woke to find one or two had closed in the night, their new, fragile skin sensitive, yet whole again.

It has been a long wait. Like wounded bodies, our wounded souls need time to heal.

Jesus remained with me in the waiting. A gentle, patient Healer, He understands firsthand that but if not wounds, and often leaves scars.

My soul stood to attention as our teacher made the stunning observation that Jesus, like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, prayed but if not. I humbly offer the additional reflection that He, too, was wounded and scarred by it. 

At the center of His certainty was God’s sovereignty.

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego also settled the matter of God’s sovereignty before they were bound and thrown into the fire.

I, however, had not. If you’d asked me if I believed in God’s sovereignty before the fire that almost took our son’s life, I would have declared without hesitation, “Yes, of course!” But as I sat by my son’s hospital bed, I wondered if knowledge was the same as belief.

According to the New Oxford American Dictionary, knowledge is defined as facts or information.

Belief is defined as acceptance that a statement is true or that something exists; trust, faith, or confidence in something or someone.

Knowledge about God is challenged in the fire. Life’s terrible, fiery trials test the facts and information we know about God. If we choose to trust God even when He does not bring the deliverance we know He can, our knowledge becomes belief.

What we once knew was true, we now accept as completely, irrevocably, certain. And we are set free. Knowledge informs. Belief liberates.

Jerry Bridges states simply, “Either God is sovereign, or He is not.” 

God is #sovereign, or He is not. There is no middle ground, no extenuating circumstances, no discretionary interpretation. Click To Tweet

Plunged into the flames of but if not four years ago, I was shocked to discover that I had not settled the matter of His sovereignty.

If we have not settled the matter before we face the fire, the fire will find us out.

This is what caused me to shrink from Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego’s story. Their certainty about God’s sovereignty exposed my fear. I prefer to think about His power to deliver. His complete ability to do so. Not what might happen if He chooses not to. But in every disciple’s journey, there comes a fiery furnace. A flaming bridge inviting us to traverse from knowledge to belief.

Knowledge walked into the fire that day in Babylon, but Belief walked out. Belief unbound. Belief bearing no trace of smoke, no singe from the flames. 

Belief burst forth confident, certain that even if God does not deliver me from this, He is sovereign and His kingdom will remain forever. And through it all, the Fourth Man will be beside me always, even to the end of the age.

In the fire, I settled the matter. My soul is now scarred, but not by God’s sovereignty. My soul was scarred by the fellowship of suffering with the One who prayed but if not. He is the Fourth Man in the fire who stood with Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego and remained with me. He is the One whose scars made belief possible for every person.

Scars now remind me of sovereignty. I have settled the matter, and I am free to live without fear of but if not.

Lord, not what I will, but what You will in my life today. Amen.

@audreycfrank

Photo by eberhard 🖐 grossgasteiger on Unsplash