Examine Me
O LORD, you examine me and know me.
Psalm 139:1
At the beginning of a new year, there is much unknown. We try to know all we can, but the fact is, we cannot. We have a complicated relationship with knowledge. We want to know but we are afraid to know. We long to know and be known. We dream of being known and loved despite it all.
But we are afraid of examination. Knowing might be stressful. In some countries, students must go through the grueling process of interrogazione. Interrogation in English conjures up images of prisoners being grilled and even tortured until they admit the truth. In the case of students in the Italian school system, it simply means a panic-provoking, shame-inducing oral exam in front of your peers on a regular basis. Teachers want to know what students know about the subject at hand.
When the subject at hand is our own hearts, however, we humans are like a bunch of kids playing hide-and-seek. We want to hide and not get caught, at the same time, we want to be found and loved. Don’t interrogate me about my heart unless you plan to love me, you hater. I’ll just hide rather than take the risk.
What if the real point of all knowing, as we enter this new year, is being loved?
The Lord is not an interrogator set on terrorizing us into confession or citing lengthy algebraic equations. We can hide like Adam and Eve, but He knows where we are, and He knows we’re naked. And no amount of guilt, shame, or fear in us can stop Him from seeking us and calling our names. His love for us is a persevering, tenacious love that doesn’t quit just because we’re scared of the truth. Solid plans fall apart, good intentions lead to terrible consequences, and the world cannot seem to self-regulate no matter how hard she tries.
Yet the Lord pursues us, insisting on knowing. Because love without knowing is just fandom. But love that knows me and loves me anyway? That crazy love can change the world.
The One who examines us is kind, compassionate, full of mercy, and abundant in faithfulness.
Why ask God to examine us? He already knows us completely. #knowthyself Share on XI wonder if David’s opening to Psalm 139 reveals the shepherd-king’s desire to learn from God about himself.
The Hebrew word for ‘examine‘ is ḥâqar, which means ‘to find out, search out, seek out; to be ascertained (made sure of after careful examination)’.
Lord, you search me. You seek me out.
Lord, you examine me thoroughly and carefully confirm who I am.
I’m not doing such a great job of knowing and loving myself, or anyone else, for that matter. Could You intervene? Teach me who I really am, so I can live loved and love others well?
We need help knowing ourselves. Our hearts deceive us (see Jeremiah 17:9-10). But there is an Examiner of hearts, One who knows us completely, yet loves us. He seeks us out and searches us. We can know who we are. And the good news is that beyond the shame, beyond the mistakes, beyond the weaknesses or failures, there is love. The truest thing about who we are is that we are beloved by the One who knows us best. And it’s a relationship, where love is given and received, and given again. A never-ending love story where nothing can separate us from God’s love, which He has given through Christ Jesus our Lord.
Now that is excellent news as we begin a new year of hope and possibility.
Photo by Patrick Schaudel on Unsplash
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